June 22, 2008
Family problems can be brutal and the nation of Israel has a long history of them.
These family problems trace back to the beginning of their nation and to Abraham’s impatience as he waited for God to provide his promised son, Isaac. At the urgings of Abraham’s wife Sarah, whose body had ceased to be able to provide a child, Ishmael was birthed from the union of Abraham and Sarah’s Egyptian handmaiden, Hagar. Today’s disputes between the Arabs and the Jews trace their origin to these two sons of Abraham.
Abraham’s grandson Jacob, renamed Israel, was in love with Rachel, but was tricked into marrying her older sister Leah by their father Laban. These two sisters fought for years for family supremacy and for Jacob’s love. Their fighting resulted in 12 male sons. The favorite son, Joseph, of the favorite wife, Rachel, resulted in two powerful sons, Ephraim and Manasseh. The promise of a Savior son traced to Genesis 3:15, however, continued through Judah, the son of Leah. All of the Kings listed in the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew and Luke, including David, trace their heritage through Judah.
Solomon, David’s son, took 1,000 wives and concubines “from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, ‘You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods’" (1 Kings 11:2). These wives led Solomon to worship pagan gods, including Baal of the Phoenicians, and resulted in a split of David’s kingdom into two nations. Joseph’s sons led the 10 sons in what became known as the Northern Kingdom or Israel while Judah was joined by Rachel’s second son, Benjamin, and formed the Southern Kingdom, elsewhere simply referred to as Judah. The only attempt at resolving these disputes came when Ahab was king of the Israel and Jehoshaphat was king of Judah. Taking steps to make this alliance more permanent, a reunion of sorts, the daughter of Ahab and Jezebel named Athaliah was married to Jehoram, the son of Jehoshaphat.
The problem with this attempt at détente was that Athaliah was of the same character as her infamous mother, Jezebel. Jezebel’s father became king of all Phoenicia by assassinating the former ruler and killing all his family. Just as Solomon’s relationship with Sidonian or Phoenician women, among others, turned his heart away from God, Ahab’s marriage to Jezebel caused him to do “more evil in the eyes of the LORD than any of those before him.” Ahab and Jezebel “began to serve Baal and worship him.” They “set up an altar for Baal…[and] made an Asherah pole” (1 Kings 16:30-33). Jezebel’s attempts to exterminate all existing Yahweh worship and religious leaders led to the ministry of Elijah, the only prophet of God strong enough to confront Jezebel and live (1 Kings 17f).
Athaliah followed the procedures taught her by Jezebel as she helped Jehoram secure his throne. Upon rising to power, Jehoram and Athaliah “put all his brothers to the sword along with some of the princes of Israel.” Scripture is quite clear describing their reign: they “walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab. He did evil in the eyes of the LORD. Nevertheless, because of the covenant the LORD had made with David, the LORD was not willing to destroy the house of David. He had promised to maintain a lamp for him and his descendants forever” (2 Chronicles 21:4-7).
When Jehoram died eight years later, “to no one's regret” (2 Chronicles 21:20), Athaliah pronounced herself Judah’s first and only “queen.” To secure her throne, she killed all her grandchildren and all the remains of the royal family except for one unknown and hidden male child, Joash. Jehoiada, the aged Aaronic priest and leader of the Levite clan, and his much younger wife, Jehosheba, hid Joash and kept him safe for six years. Jehosheba and Ahaziah were the children of Athaliah and Jehoram. Since Joash was Ahaziah’s son, he was a direct descendant of David (2 Chronicles 22:11) and the “lamp” the Lord needed to keep His promise to David. Without the brave and daring intervention of Jehoiada and Jehosheba, Athaliah would have put an end to the direct line of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and David that was to result in the eventual birth of Christ. Without the courage and strength of an elderly priest and a daughter who turned against her ungodly mother, Satan would have been able to bring to an end the promise of our salvation.
Young women in America today do not grow up dreaming of giving birth to the Savior of all mankind, the promised Jewish Messiah. Marriages, by far, are not arranged by parents and centered on keeping bloodlines intact or confirming political alliances. But the problems caused by unhealthy marriages continue to impact lives for generations in much the same way they did in the genealogy of Jesus.
Satan’s plan is the same today as it has always been: divide and conquer. Whether it be to match a healthy saved woman with an unhealthy and lost man or vice versa, marriages in which strong Christians match themselves with anything but an equally strong and committed Christian continue to breed chaos in family lines.
1 Timothy 2:11f spells out God’s plan for all of mankind: create the man, Adam, first; teach him the difference between right and wrong in such a way as the man will choose the good; and then have him be responsible for the spirituality of the family. God did His part. He taught Adam the difference in such a way that man was not deceived by Satan. But Adam failed Eve allowing her to be deceived by the serpent and then not standing strong and redeeming her once she was deceived. That is why Romans 5:12f makes it plain that “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men.” The sin of not standing firm and redeeming the family is the sin we traced in the historical line of Jesus and it is at the center of the problems in the Church today.
The Apostle Paul put this truth in principle form in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
Traditionally, this passage has been interpreted to refer only to marriages. In reality, the context of the broader section is the reconciliation of all sinners back to Christ. Christians were intended to remain strong in their convictions, live above the prevailing culture of the day, and offer redemption to a dying world. The American culture of today is teaching us the opposite, that it is wrong to “come out from them and be separate” as Paul quotes the Lord as saying in 2 Corinthians 6:17. We have been deceived into thinking that we have to become like the American culture and the people who accept it in order to redeem the lost among the American culture. This philosophy has opened the door for many Christian young people to embrace unhealthy relationships, many of them leading to marriage. Our Christian young people may initially look for spouses in the church, but they often find their options limited. Churches compete instead of cooperating. They fear and actually do lose their young people to bigger churches with a bigger dating pool. Bigger churches need these young people to continue to get bigger and do not work together for the cause of Christ and our young people. The end result is that everyone loses.
While it is easy to spread blame, much of the problem goes back to Adam’s problem: Husbands do not know, live, and teach the word of God in their homes. Husbands and wives do not work to make each other stronger in their relationship with the Lord, often because they do not know how. No one has taught them. They do not model a life of faith to their children who in turn find themselves in unhealthy relationships. Instead of redeeming the world, the church often reflects the world.
We must understand that this is not a new problem with an unknown solution. The answer is and always has been sacrificial love from the husband and father reciprocated with a trusting love on the part of the wife and the children. Men need to grow up spiritually and learn the art of redeeming their families. If no Christian men married outside the faith and no Christian women married men they could not trust to lead their families spiritually, morally, and emotionally, a different generation would lead the Church. There can be no agreement outside of Christ. Compromise has never been the nature of our Lord and God; His nature is only described as “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty” (Isaiah 6:3). Anything less leads to unhealthiness and generations of problems that cannot be solved until true repentance is followed by holiness.
So what is the solution for married couples in trouble and young people seeking a partner for life in today’s American culture?
It begins and ends in our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We must first get healthy ourselves. Matthew 6:33 tells us to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” No matter what our problem is, if we first seek the solution to our problem and then promise to turn to God once the problem has been solved, we will lose. We must always be as strong and healthy individually as we can be first. We must not need a spouse, or if we are married, we must not rely on the strength of our spouse; we must first find our strength and our identity in our relationship to Jesus. It was once put to me this way: “If the man or woman of your dreams were to meet you for the first time right this moment, would you be proud of who you are? or would you want to change some things about yourself first? In other words, do you want them to love the person you are right now, or do you want them to love you for the person you think you are going to become?” If we are single, we are in control of our lives and the choices we make. If we are married, we are still in control of who we are and who we become. We must choose wisely.
Secondly, we must believe the principle stated in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” If we cannot trust God and relinquish control of our lives to him, including our present or future marriage, we will live our entire lives in insecurity, uncertainty, and doubt. However, if we can trust Him to bring us life’s best options and that He knows where we are and what is best for us, we can live in complete freedom knowing that God will bring us what is best at just the right time. If we are in trouble, we must believe that by following Him, we will be led out of our current problems.
Finally, we must live above our fears and in the strength of the word of God. Psalm 119:11-16, 105 tells us to hide God’s word in our hearts so that we won’t sin, but will praise God, and delight and rejoice in the things he says to us. He promises us that His word will guide our steps if we are willing to pay the price to learn the principles by which we should live. There is no reason for us to depend upon “open” and “closed” doors. Those are copouts and excuses; we should hear what God says, know that what we are hearing is His word, and then do what He says in the power of the Holy Spirit whom He has given us.
This is the method by which we can reverse the moral, spiritual, and family failures that have plagued man since the Garden of Eden. Strong marriages and healthy relationships are God’s method for bringing His kingdom to Earth. Division and settling for less than God’s best, not trusting Him but giving into our fears, not believing that He knows what is best for us and following our own hearts instead of His word is Satan’s formula for maintaining control of this world. Do not give up. Do not give in. Right the ship and sail into the wind.